i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have tasted many bathrooms
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
