The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
