oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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