My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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