do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
