There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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