Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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