Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
