the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
