Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
