dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
