So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
