found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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