she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
