I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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