after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
