it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
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I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize