Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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