Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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