And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
