How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
