I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
