using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You smell like a Billy Joel song
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
