So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
