You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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