this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
