I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
