i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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