This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize