made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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