I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
