i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So much Jack, so little girl.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
