Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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