Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
