I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
