I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
