Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
