I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
