I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
