you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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