Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
only you would photoshop your dick
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
