I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
