Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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