I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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