I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize