I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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