we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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