But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
