a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
