I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
