I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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