we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
