I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
