my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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