What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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