I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
