my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
