it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
