i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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