Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
and she was petting her beer can
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
