Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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