Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
