Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
