I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
