She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have post one night stand depression
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