also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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