Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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