i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
