I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
