I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
