I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
