Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
