so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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