You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
