Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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